I won't let you go

I won't let you go

Not to Detroit City

Not to Chicago

ASHLEY, COMMANDING OFFICER.

...has been super busy with work. Orientation all week long. You know that stuff you've seen a thousand times but is reiterated a thousand more? Yeah, that stuff. It's easy money though. I'm just ready for the ER and to be back in the action. So far, the atmosphere at LMC is about ten times better than anywhere I've ever worked. Everyone is legit happy to be at work. People love working there, and it shows. I can get so used to that. I mean, it makes me happy.

I had dinner earlier with Sarah, Colin, Ms. Linda and the occasional Ryan since we were at Salsarita's. I'm glad. I'm so happy to have this again. I'm so happy to be with people I love. I'm so happy to be apart of life with them again. I'm so glad I'm not in NC sitting by myself on my couch, depressed, because I don't have Tomato or my family. I'm more convinced every day that I made the right decision for both my well being as well as my marriage's. I can't say with 100% honesty that I wouldn't have grown resentful of Tomato if I had to be there alone. Some women can do it, some can't.

I remember when I was younger, I couldn't be anywhere alone. I got anxious, rattled, scared and scattered. I remember when I first moved in with the Rabon's, if Ms. Linda went somewhere...I had to be with her. Not even because I wanted her attention, I just needed the comfort of someone being beside me. Now, I'm not by any means having panic attacks over being alone anymore...but I still desire the comfort of having someone close...even if I have to drive a few miles. Don't get me wrong, I would have stayed in NC for the rest of my life...if Tomato could have been with me. However, if I can't have him...I have my family, and that's worth everything in the world.

TOMATO, THE HUBS.

...FINALLY got his first care package. Apparently he took a small part and gave the rest to his Marines. He emailed me last night expressing his gratitude for his new razor handle. I guess razor burn in the desert is no laughing matter. Who knew?

I miss him greatly. I can't wait until he gets back stateside. I can't wait until we can go on that vacation we both deserve. I love him, in case you didn't know.

ZERO, THE DRAGON.

....has traded me in for Ms. Linda. It's true.

30 DAY PHOTO CHALLANGE

Day 21

(something you wish you could forget)

Not this particular instance, per-say, but it's the only picture I have with my biological father and I.

I wish I could forget the weekend he died.

I was in Washington, DC with a horrible case of food poisoning. He called to check on me and I ignored his call much like I always did.

He left me a message that stated, "I was just calling to check on you, I heard you were sick. I love you" and I deleted the message without hesitation.

He died the next morning in a horrible accident on the NY subway system.

I wish I could forget it, because then I wouldn't have to deal with the fact that I never forgave him.

I wouldn't have to deal with the fact that he never had a nice word to say to me, until the night before he died.

I wouldn't have to deal with the fact that he died believing I didn't care about him.

I wouldn't have to deal with the fact that he died alone.

I wouldn't have to deal with that fact that I still don't feel like he's really dead and not just dipping out of my life for a while like he always did.

I wouldn't have to worry about why I haven't cried yet.

I wouldn't have to deal with never having the father back that I had when I was a tiny girl.

There's a lot of regret in remembering some things. Though I try to live my life without regret, I will always regret not answering the phone.

Song of the Day:

Mexico by Jump, Little Children