A Wife's Tale: Cause what's left to lose?

I've done enough

and if I fail well then I fail

but I gave it a shot

ASHLEY, COMMANDING OFFICER.

Well, this deployment is finally coming to an end. In just a matter of days my husband will be back in my arms and back in my life. I can't believe it's over, well almost. I feel like he just left...and like he's been gone for an eternity. So, at this time I would like to share my reflections and advice based on my experience, in list form. You know how I love lists.

1. Let him know. This is very important, I have learned. In the beginning of this journey I took this advice to heart "Don't bother him with your stress or sorrow. He doesn't need that right now." Now, when I was told this I thought..." I really don't want to stress him out." So, for the longest time I found myself not bothering my husband with my stress, depression or thoughts about the situation, my life or my feelings surrounding it all. I started to feel bitter, angry and resentful toward him and the deployment. This is what I learned...DON'T HIDE YOUR FEELINGS FROM YOUR HUSBAND. Your husband should know everything...the good, the bad and the ugly. You should keep him informed on your day to day, the feelings you are struggling with and he should feel he can share the same. Now, should your whole 5 minute conversation and every email be depressing and angry?...hell no. Be reasonable. Don't waste your limited communication, but let him know what you're feeling. This is important so that he and you still feel like partners.

2. Make some goals. Goals are extremely important. You may have noticed my little list over there. Did I accomplish them all? No. Did I accomplish some of them? Yes, and more! Do things that you thought you would never be able to do. For instance, I really wanted to go to NYC, Tomato...not so much. So I went with his cousin. I got a job. I saved a ton of dinero, spent large amount of time with my family and friends, took a GRE and bought a house. You'll surprise yourself with all that you can accomplish, by yourself...with your husband's support of course. Whatever it is, you can do it...wether it's giving the dog a bath or running a marathon.

3. Don't underestimate the value of those closest to you. Do not push away your family and friends. Don't crawl into a hole and "woe is me." Take advantage of the people who love you. Hang out often, be around for things and make yourself available. You'll have plenty of time. Plenty of it.

4. Do what is best for your marriage. If that means moving, move. If that means staying, stay. If that means whatever it means...do it. I can't tell you how many times I was judged and given unsolicited advice about what it means to be a "good military wife." I support my husband...and my husband supports me. My career is just as important to me, as his is to him. We chose for me to move back home due to my inability to happily adjust to my surroundings. My geography was taking a toll on me, and in turn, us as a conglomerate entity. If I had had to stay in NC I would have went crazy.

5. Be yourself. You don't have to tattoo yellow ribbons on yourself, post facebook statuses that read "sexually deprived for your freedom", cry when you hear "God Bless America", and you don't even have to eat red white and blue cheerios. It's true. What IS important is that you are you. Your husband fell in love with you, not with the super patriotic version of you. Don't compromise yourself to live up to the perception of what the wife of a deployed serviceman is supposed to be. You are you, and that is who you should always remember to be.

6. It's the little things that mean the most. Let's face it, there's not much you can do 8,000 miles apart. However, it's the letters, the origami owls, the phone calls, the emails, the care packages, the morning phone calls and the little stupid inexpensive things that mean the most. I can't tell you the smile that spread across my face when I got that origami owl in the mail. It reminded me that my husband remembered who I was and the things he loved about me. It reminds you that you are still a force in each other's lives, that you're thought about and cared for.

7. Get a hobby. I mean, I work all the time. That much is true. However, I have found time to obtain and attempt to become good at a hobby. This deployment I really got into photography, I love taking pictures. I've learned about settings, talked to photographers about methods, and actually had two people use my prints as their Christmas card! I can't tell you the feeling of accomplishment and self worth that I've gotten just from doing something I enjoy. Now, I've said it a thousand times...I'm no photographer. But, who knows what the future holds.

8. Save money. Or pay off debt. There is no reason not to. It's not a secret that deployment is emotionally stressful but financially rewarding. Don't spend excessively. Get that debt down and get that savings account up. This will NEVER be a mistake. I can't tell you the weight that has been lifted from our shoulders over the past 8 months.

9. Make plans. Make plans for your future, talk about the things that you would be talking about if he (or she) were here. Talk about houses, decorating, kids, vacations, education and goals. Just talk, just talk about something other than, "I wish you were here so bad right now." You'll get stuck in time if you keep having that conversation.

10. Never forget to say "I love you." Don't waste your precious time being angry or hurt. Try to end every conversation on a good note. It's like that old adage, "Never go to bed angry." Well take this...never get off the phone angry when your husband is 8,000 miles away, you don't know when he'll call again and you don't know if he ever will. It's a hard realization, but it's true.

With all that said, I really hope that these things will continue into my marriage when he gets back home. It's not only advice for deployment but for life. Keep busy, live and and love to your fullest extent.

Oyeah, I think I'll share these too.