I am taffy stuck and tongue tied

stutter shook and uptight

pull me out from inside

I am ready

I am fine

ASHLEY, COMMANDING OFFICER.

...has been non-purposefully been doing some soul searching. About what you ask? About everything, I answer. Have you ever had one of those moments where you just take a second and look at your life from the outside? For some reason or other, I have been doing that somewhat frequently.

Now, keep in mind, there are some things about my life that I would never change. This includes my husband, my family, my dog and my friends. But I would be lying if I ever said, "This is what I imagined my life would be like." When I was a little girl I wanted to be a ballerina, singer, olympic swimmer, artist, animal photographer, creative writing teacher, and finally a Peace Corps representative. The last thing I could have ever dreamed of being was a nurse. Here I am, a nurse.

Now before you judge me too harshly and get into your mind, "hey she never wanted to be a nurse, she's a liar!", let me explain. I care deeply about people. I care for the happiness of others. I want to see them well. I want them to prosper and I want them to experience the joy that I have. I love being a nurse. I love making a patient smile. I like knowing that however little I did for someone, it made an impact. Often I have to remind myself that I am indeed making a difference and though often my job is "thankless" there are still some people that are grateful.

But this is not the point. Over the past few days I have asked myself, "What would your life have been like if you would have been an artist/singer/olympic swimmer/photographer/Peace Corps representative?" And me, being me, cannot contrive up an answer. I just really have to have faith that I am doing what I've always been meant to. My life is most certainly lived with some regret, who's isn't? I don't care what you say, you have at least one. It's just how I choose to live and the outlook I take that makes the difference.

That's what's been on my mind. As far as how much sense that made, I'm not sure. I'm just happy that I'm still young and can explore my creative side. You never know, perhaps one day I'll make that into something great.

But onward...

I went and saw Sarah, Ryan and Colin today. I just love them to pieces. As far as places life takes you, I will say that being introduced into the lives of the Rabon family has made all the difference in mine. Ms. Linda and I were discussing how this past July marks 7 years I've been living with them/been apart of their family. It's crazy, it feels like I've always been around. Anyway, back to the point. I went to Sarah and Ryan's today and stole a few shots of Colin with my new flash/lens that I haggled for in NYC. He's the cutest. Here's proof.

I'm so blessed to be Colin's Aunt and also Sarah and Ryan's sister, even if it's from another mister.

TOMATO, THE HUBS.

...still no word yet on when he'll be coming home. However, there is talks of him joining some other squadron when he gets back. I can't help but wonder if it's because they want to get one more deployment out of him before his contract's up. He should be applying for Captain soon.

Tomato, is the best husband ever. When I get to questioning my life, I never question him. He's the best friend and partner that I could have ever hoped, dreamed or prayed for. I can't wait to see what life has in store for us.

ZERO, THE DRAGON.

...is getting fat. I need to play more frisbee with him.

Song of the Day:

Colorblind by Counting Crows