Welcome to my life.
The life of a Marine's wife,
registered nurse,
dog owner,
wanna-be photographer,
and budding writer.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up


And when the sun goes down, hope you raise your cup
Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy, and all your pain
But until my moment comes, I'll say
I did it all

HENRY, PRINCE OF WHALES.
How many cliches can I fit into a single blog post?
You are beautiful.
You are precious.
You are enamoring.
You are wonderful.
You are silly.
You are smart.
You are joy.
You are an adventure.

There are so many things I could describe you as. You have taught me true joy and the definition of love at first sight.

Several weeks before your birth, I remember posting and article saying that I would always love your Daddy first. And, that remains true. In the back of my mind I know that one day you will have to leave me and it will be only he and I again. Your daddy is amazing. He is everything I ever wished for in a father. You won't remember any of the next few years when you get older, but I will always remember the way he looks at you. The way he looks at me. I will remember his voice as he sings to you in the bath tub. I will remember how you take off in his direction every time he comes home from work. I will remember you playing with the sleeves of his uniform. Every day I fall more deeply in love with him as I watch him fall more deeply in love with you.

You have taught me so much in the span of a year. I cannot even begin to describe how you've changed my outlook on everything. Some days I am overwhelmed, sure that I'm somehow failing in this job that God has entrusted me with. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing, apart from loving you. Apart from loving you, it doesn't matter what I'm doing. It has been the joy of my life to get to know you, to hold you for a year and to prepare (if the Lord wills it) for the years to come.

I've read many descriptions of the meaning of "love at first sight" and the definition of "loving your child", but nothing quite fits.

I was sitting in the car with you and your Daddy the other day, when it hit me:

People often tell you that your heart is what feels love. They tell you that it's your heart that breaks. You can actually feel it when it happens. I know otherwise, I know it's your brain that feels these things. I know that little messages get passed along to your heart that give it this physical sensation. But, I digress.

When I fell in love with your Daddy, it was a progression. In my heart, was a spot that I always knew was there waiting on the right person and the right circumstances. I knew that my heart was capable of loving someone the way I love your Daddy. When I first met him, I didn't know that one day I would marry him. I had no clue that I would grow with him, follow him all over the country and eventually we'd have you. But, I knew that eventually that spot could be filled.

But with you,

With you. 

With you... there was an instant rush of indescribable, aching, pure love. In my heart, there was a cavern that I never knew was there. The door was closed until the moment I laid my eyes on you. I had no time to nurture it, no time to know you, no time to grow with you or learn you. But, in an instant, everything in the world became big and beautiful. The sun was brighter, laughter held more joy and every emotion I ever had became so all encompassing I could barely contain it. All it took was a second. One beautiful second. I had never heard your voice, I hadn't even looked into your eyes. But, there you were and my heart went with you.

In a week we will celebrate a year of having you. It's been almost a year since the first time we met. I can barely believe it. I can hardly contemplate that I've not know you my entire life.

I am so glad you're here.

You are beautiful.
You are precious.
You are enamoring.
You are wonderful.
You are silly.
You are smart.
You are joy.
You are an adventure. 
You are so loved.

Happy Birthday, little prince


Song of the Day:
I Lived by OneRepublic


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