The high road is hard to find
A detour in your new life
Tell all of your friends goodbye
ASHLEY, COMMANDING OFFICER.
...has the day off. That's good I guess. I'm back to work tomorrow. It's been pretty good with the preceptee thing. It's hard for me to let go of control. This is the hard realization I've come to. We had some pretty interesting patients yesterday, including someone with hypothermia. We don't see that too terribly often, especially in the South. We even had to break out the fluid warmer, that was a learning experience for me as well.
I've had a lot of those "self examination moments" lately. It's strange to think about when I was first starting as a nurse and how confusing and stressful it got. Some things are like second nature now, others still and will always need some refining. I find myself often asking myself, "Remember when you were there Ashley?" It's stressful to even think about. I often ask myself if I'm being "too hard" or "too easy" or "too bossy." I was told that I was bossy pretty frequently when I was younger. I guess we'll see how things turn out. I'm in it, to win it...so to speak. Haha.
It's pretty sad without Tomato here. I've come to the realization that I have literally ZERO people that I'm really friends with in Jacksonville. I'm having a hard time figuring out why. It's probably because I'm about the most awkward crayon in the box, because I haven't really tried to be friends with anyone, and because all I've really needed was Tomato and Zero. Also, because I'm married, don't have kids and don't go out drinking. I just don't have much in common with a lot of people in the area. Nothing to talk about, I guess. It really gets kind of depressing on those days that I wanna go out and do something. Wether it be going to the movies, out to eat, shop...you know? Something that's nice to do with another living being. I've literally been craving Mexican food for a week. It'd be nice to talk to someone that didn't have four legs, did wear clothing and didn't lick me every time I look at them. Not saying that Zero is bad company...but he's not much of a talker.
I just miss home, I guess. I miss late night excursions, always having something to do and someone who wanted to do it with me. I miss LA coming over randomly and Sarah dropping in for a quick dinner. I miss going out to eat all the time with Ms. Linda and political/theological discussions with Mr. Dan. I miss Tomato laughing his head off while playing Apples to Apples. I miss going to the beach, the lake, the mountains and hanging out with the Cooper's. I miss football games and tailgating. I miss being involved in something, whether it was Phi Sigma Pi or wedding planning. I miss "Charleston Days." I miss real shopping. I miss Rachel and Adrienne. I even miss studying and having a goal to reach.
I'm not saying that it hasn't gotten easier in Jacksonville, because it has. I love my job. I like the people I know here. I love the fact that I live with Tomato most of the time and that Zero has a backyard to play in. I'm honestly trying to make the best of it all. Honestly.
It just makes me really think about the future and the fact that Tomato could deploy any time, and I would have nothing here.
TOMATO, THE HUBS.
...remains in CA. The force is strong with that one.
I'd be super pissed (well kind of am) with the threat of government shut down while I'm training/deployed/living on base/patrolling/eating MRE's/eating chow/working 16 hours a day/risking my life for the country. It's absolutely absurd to me why Congress can't come to an agreement about the stupid ass budget while there are men and women in the US and overseas fighting government wars. Military personnel with families to care for and bills to pay. I can't help but thinking about how grateful I am for my job and the fact that we are a dual income household, and that if need be...could pay our bills with one income. So many families don't have that option. So government, please, let your soldiers and their families starve while you proceed to argue. I paid my taxes, pay my husband.
ZERO, THE DRAGON.
...misses his dad, who I am completely sure is a better thrower, wrestler and tug of war partner than I am.
30 DAY PHOTO CHALLENGE
Day 1
(a picture of you with 10 facts)
1. I love music. I could spend thousands on iTunes, if allowed.
2. I was adopted at the age of 16.
3. I graduated with honors from THE University of South Carolina.
4. I have two adorable nephews.
5. My husband and I are completely opposite.
6. I love anything and everything involving cupcakes.
7. My dream is to open a bakery/coffee/live music venue.
8. I'm an emergency room nurse.
9. I'm awkward and have a weird laugh.
10. I'm a clean freak.
Album of the Week
Broken Bells by Broken Bells
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